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Key Stages in a Relationship – Stage 2A

All relationships begin in earnest with what I call the 'besotment' stage which develops this important connection. Most love songs have been dedicated to, or inspired by, this first critical stage in human relationships. Here is true romantic bliss; a joyful, spontaneous, passionate sensation of love. The attraction between the parties often dreams so good they want it to last forever, and expect it to do so too. They feel energized, alive and filled with new dreams. Everything seems wholesome and affirming.

According to research done on this phase, it is not only your heart which is full of love but your whole body too, which is flooded with an endorphin called PEA (phenoethalymine). Like most endorphins, PEA increases energy, optimism, feelings of well-being and a positive outlook, and also diminishes pain. It increases sexual desire and allows you to skip meals and sleep. Naturally, as those good feelings coincide with the new relationship, you immediately believe that it is all down to this other person. They make you feel that way and bring out the best in you. In some ways you are loving 'under the influence' in a stage marked by great dependency upon each other. Although many people like this floating stage of love and getting that 'Wow' factor, many others do not feel comfortable with it because they believe they lose their control and depend too much on another person to feel good.

This second part of the honeymoon phase marks the transition from single status to a married one or being fully committed to a relationship. And it is a dramatic transition. It is full of romance, lots of it. Being 'in love' means that the sexual appeal and desire is often so intense, you literally become besotted! You may find yourself ringing, visiting or dreaming of your loved one, any time of day or night. You dominate her attention, constantly seeking her approval or affirmation. You are very optimistic about the future with him and nothing can go wrong, or so it sees. Most plans for a life together are made at this stage while the future looks rosy. The difficulties are usually minimized while the possibilities tend to be exaggerated.

You have found the perfect person and, even when you are irritated, the fun is more in the passion of making up than in the argument or discord. Regardless of what other people think about your partner, or perhaps warn you about the transience of your feelings, there's a tendency to believe that they have no idea what they are talking about; that the experience is unique to you only and this fairy-tale period will go on forever.

The Need for Approval and Belonging

This 'besotment' stage is characterized by strong attraction, emotional excitation and heightened activity due to the apprehension 'chemistry' between the two people. The greater the chemistry the higher the level of attraction. This stage is also marked by fantasies, possibilities and future potential making everything appear dreamlike, beautiful, fun and exciting. The main needs being satisfied here are approval and belonging. Your heart beats rapidly any time you see or think about this special person. You are totally absorbed with being in his company, constantly thinking about her actions. When you are together time seems to stand still, or run too fast.

Expectations are vague and diffused as the main purpose is purely sexual: to merge bodies and create another being. The quickest way to do that is to boost your partner's self-approval rating by matching their expectation of you; to be the willing and 'perfect' partner they seek. It was Zsa Zsa Gabor who said, "A man is incomplete until he's married. And then he's finished"! Well, this stage certainly finishes the individual, as compatibility with another is perceived to enhance the partner even further. Some people feel a sense of 'being home' or of being 'complete', feeling 'alive' and finally connected.

Above all, you mold yourself to fit his needs. You may even fake interests or activities he is involved in just to keep this connection. You will make promises you will never keep to impress her, so raising her expectations, but who unfulfilment will help to destroy the relationship in the end. There will be tons of text messages, huge phone bills, continuous dates of eating, drinking and making merry just to be together and to save each other's presence. In effect, you will have lots of strange emotions in a pot-pourri of excitation at all hours of the day, with an intense longing when you think of that person, one who might appear almost superhuman to your perception. That is why we are likely to be blind to their faults at this part of the relationship.


Source by Elaine Sihera

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